


Shenanigans in the Uppers

by thetalkingflower



Category: Urinetown: The Musical - Hollmann/Kotis
Genre: Multi, also might be hilarious, also rich people, because that shit's fucked up bruh, gay cops, may get really dark at times, teen rating for barrel's childhood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3849658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetalkingflower/pseuds/thetalkingflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>20 years ago, Caldwell B. Cladwell revolutionized making money with Urine Good Company. He's just a man trying to cling to tomorrow, right? There's nothing wrong with that...</p>
<p>Basically jaztice wrote a thing (Shenanigans in the Slants) and I wanted to write things too, so here we go... these cops are based off the production I just got finished with plus a little of my own insanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Character Summaries/Information

STAFF OF UGC:  
Hope Cladwell (20)- She has pink hair and is super duper pretty; that’s all that matters, isn’t it?  
Caldwell B. Cladwell (49)- Mr. Dickbutt himself as you know and hate him  
Mr. Milo McQueen (34)- Dickbutt’s personal assistant, part-time drag queen and TOTALLY straight 100%  
Dr. Dawn Billeaux (29)- Has a PhD in technobabble and looking good in lab coats; also feminist to the bone  
Mrs. Ella Millenium (35)- Dickbutt’s secretary, secretly plotting to take down the entire empire  
Senator Samuel Fipp (41)- Sleazeball senator who keeps hitting on the new girls at the office; Dr. Billeaux does NOT approve.  
Sissy P. Fipp (30)- Deals with any nosy reporters trying to publicize articles about rioting, knows all the gossip and dishes out the dirt in the break room  
Jewel Airy (28)- Plans the public events, kind of has a crush on Lockstock but jokes on her cuz he’s pretty much married to Barrel  
Iona M. Cedes (33)- Kind of a front-desk secretary and deals with people trying to get in; quiet person but secretly sassy

P-9 SQUAD MEMBERS:  
Officer Theodore Lockstock (47)- Leader, father of Little Sally (by accidental/unofficial adoption) and totally not gay at all what are you talking about  
Officer Isaac Barrel (38)- Co-leader, out for blood and gay as hell  
Zeta Blu (38)- VERY dedicated to her job, Lockstock and Barrel are her kings and she kisses up to them often (not very well liked, call her “Officer Bluenose”)  
Shanks McDougal (30)- Stereotypical fat happy police officer who just wants donuts and social order; gender nonconforming, nobody knows their real name so “Shanks” is assumed to be  
Felix “Fast Foot” McFain- fastest police officer, he once chased a man in mid-pee down six city blocks on foot (and yes, the poor bastard had his wiener out)  
Polly Simons (21)- Tiniest and youngest policewoman on the force, affectionately nicknamed “Polly Pockets”  
Tiles Mason (50)- Came up with all the nicknames for the squad, has been there the longest  
Hannah Cuff (35)- Kicked off the academic team in high school for outshining the other members, literally a living encyclopedia  
Catherine Miu (31)- Nicknamed “Scatz Meow” because she likes jazz and her name sounds like a cat; a little motherly toward Polly

 

Relationships  
Cladwells- duh family  
Senator Fipp and Sissy- Brother and sister  
Sissy and Dawn- token lesbian couple  
Lockstock and Barrel- seriously Dr. Billeaux started the betting pool on those two getting together  
Barrel and Hot Blades Harry- actually half-brothers, shared a crazy ass father (which Barrel ended up stuck with...)  
Polly and Scatz- best friends for life


	2. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac Barrel's sad journey to adulthood (really short but i promise you will cry)

Isaac Lee Barrel was raised by a father who despised him. The boy killed his mother on his way into the world and would be seen as nothing more than a murderer for the rest of his life, at least in his father’s eyes.

 

On days when his father was particularly violent, he would go outside to fry ants with a magnifying glass until he was thirteen, when he learned how to trap small animals by the rickety old shed out back to take out his frustration with the world on.

 

He took the tools that his father never put to use and hacked and hammered at the poor creatures until they were no longer recognizable. Then, he’d clean himself up and go back inside in time for dinner, like nothing ever happened. He never minded the mess it made or the smell of the shed in the aftermath; it was satisfying to him, cathartic even. Killing made him feel powerful for a moment before his dad went back to beating the shit out of him. He knew killing _people_ was wrong, but nobody was going to go to jail for killing a couple of rodents in their backyard. He was safe as long as nobody found out.

 

When Isaac was seventeen, an orange cat had wandered into one of his traps while he was outside doing chores. He knew the neighborhood pets pretty well, but this one still had a collar and the “for sale” sign down the street had disappeared earlier that week so he wasn’t going to take that chance. 

 

That was the day he met Kyle.

 

Kyle didn’t belong in the Slants; he was a good kid who ended up in the wrong place. He was smart. He was kind. He made Isaac feel like he wasn’t a freak or a mistake for a minute or two. He had scars across his arms and legs, horizontal red lines that made Isaac’s heart ache and wish that he could give Kyle just half of that feeling of validation. After meeting Kyle, Isaac stopped using the shed out back as often. He didn’t have much reason to.

 

One day they told each other how much they mean to one another and they kissed on Isaac’s couch while his dad was away at work, caught in their own world where there was just the two of them.

 

When the front door slammed shut, they jerked apart a moment too late.

 

Kyle offered to stay to offer support, but Isaac pushed him away and begged Kyle to just go home. His father wasn’t one to listen, and God forbid anything bad happen to Kyle. So he watched from his father’s grip as Kyle ran out the door, pausing for a moment to look back before running down the street.

 

Kyle never came back.

 

The next day, Isaac went out back to the shed for the first time in months. Kyle’s cat, Malthus, was caught by the foot in his trap. When he set the animal free, it was the last time he ever willingly showed mercy toward another living thing.

 

He went back inside to find his dad with a timer, telling him he had fifty minutes to pack his stuff and get out of his house. His dad didn’t want a “(slur)” under his roof, and Isaac didn’t blame him. Isaac went up to his room and packed a few of his things into a dingy duffel bag: a few sets of clothes, soap, and the knife he found for himself on his thirteenth birthday and called it a “birthday gift” to himself. He paused and noticed Kyle’s shirt on the floor, but left it.

 

Isaac walked out the front door when he realized he was turning eighteen that day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this was fucked up next one is going to be sad but sweet <3 Lockstock and Little Sally meet for the first time

**Author's Note:**

> This is just some character notes because some of these characters were invented roles so I had to improvise  
> Next chapter probably gonna be Barrel's childhood so brace yourself for child abuse, gay teen romance, and killing small animals :)!


End file.
